Negative Side VS Logical Mind, AGAIN.

Is it my logical mind who lost all the time, or is it my negative side who always won?




Just few days in NJC, and I've made a scandal for myself. Haha.


Just because I talked to Juwinda in Indonesian, and just because I was asked to distribute her cake to you guys, you think there's something between us?
Well that was what it seemed.
I don't know whether you guys were joking or serious, but I could see she was uncomfortable afterwards.
When she asked the lunchbox back from me, she didn't really look at me.
Hopefully she wasn't irritated or what. Haha.
Because I wasn't affected at all.
In fact it made me think how fun these friends of mine are.




Moreover,
I thought this day was gonna be completely complete for me.
Meeting my bro Liao Wei was one thing.
But She asked me to meet, that was another thing.





So there I go, as usual. Happy and my heart still beat so fast for a reason unknown to me.



And when I was expecting a good time and dinner,




There attacked my worst enemy.


My Negative Side.




When we two were sitting on a bench in sky garden of Junction8,
My eyes caught a glimpse of her handphone wallpaper.




Yes, the picture that could broke my heart into million pieces and make it bleed unstoppably.



My Negative Side didn't waste this opportunity.
It flooded my whole being with pain and bloodbath.


My Logical Mind tried hard to get an upper hand in this battle, replacing my Positive Side which has been beaten to near-death condition.


But tried as it might, it lost the battle ultimately.

Once again my Negative Side took control of me, despite my Logical Mind's attempt to push the thought of 'it's normal, don't get so screwed up, Kevin. You can win this.'.


All of a sudden, I lost my appetite.
Although I was not so hungry, I had planned to have a dinner.
All of a sudden I got lethargic and sleepy.
Even though when I met her I was kinda excited.
All of a sudden I got the urge to punch a wall again.
When she was in a phone call, I knuckled the side of the playground station nearby.
My knuckles got the pain back, and my elbow's nerves hit the wall too, causing a numbness effect on my right arm for a few seconds.
And fortunately, it did release some mental pain inside me, A LITTLE.



I knew this could happen.
I knew this feeling was gonna hit me.
I knew this is what I deserved from the start.
I knew she's gonna do this to me.


But time and again,
I find it hard to let it go.
I find it hard to stop harbouring some hope.
I find it hard not to adore you.



Maybe we shouldn't talk for a while.



I need some time to cool down.

I need time to think.



I need to get my head cool, and think this through.












I wanna punch something again.







Anyway, what Liaowei said is true.
I'm the 3rd party anyway.
I should be the one who's supposed to fuck off right?
Feeling pain is a risk I'm taking all the time.
So I need to go away.
Yes, go away.




Far, far away.