Past wound.

Hey there old friend,


I can't believe such an old scar can open up again.
I thought it was gone.


I met up with San, YiChao, and Archie earlier today.
And for some reason, I mentioned that she was my biggest love, still.


Filled up to the brim with melancholy, I decided to re-visit the past.
And as the songs that used to remind me about her, back in 2009, started playing,
I had an urge to open up photos of us together,
Those taken outside a classroom after her dance performance,
Those taken near the canal at the back of her old place.
Not to mention there is an archive of "important messages".
And when I opened the Word document, tears just started welling in my eyes.
My feelings overpowered me,
And my old scars tore apart again.


Why Bloggie, why?

I thought I have gotten over it all.
I thought all I have about her is anything but just pieces of memories, buried inside my head.
How can I still have all this feeling, all these surges of emotions?
How can I, after everything that happened, still wish that we have a chance?!
How can I still be so ready, as much as I know it will never happen, to accept her?


I honestly didn't know why I gave up holding up for her.
I used to think it was the right decision, but maybe I was wrong.
Maybe this is another one of my bad mistakes.
Just looking at the remnants of our important conversations, when we defined each other as our soul mates, makes me recall the bliss I found myself in.
And instead of being thankful and persevering, I chose to drop everything, be an asshole, and give up.


Bloggie, can I make a request?
Can you take me back to 2009?
I swear I'll make everything right this time.
I won't give up.
On us.
Please?
Pretty please...?






















This blog existed because of you, dear.
As much as I hate to compare, you are probably the best thing that has ever happened to me.
And seeing I have never seen anyone who I can make such a deep and profound connection with,
You probably will always be my soul mate.
You were my poison, but you were also my muse.
I don't wanna make the same mistakes again, so I won't give up looking for my partner-for-life this time.
But giving up on everything that we had was probably the stupidest thing I have ever committed.
So I hope you're happy and blessed, wherever you go next in life.
Maybe with your stronger, more determined, and truer soul mate.

Love,

Your soul mate from the past.