Second chance.

How foolish.

After this long,

After all my mistakes,

After all the regrets,

Only now do I wish for a second chance.

I won't take all the messages for granted anymore.

I won't take any advice from others. I'll believe in my first instinct.

I won't ask for any commitments.

I won't pursue a quick relationship.

And what else, I can only promise you to always be here for you, even if you never want it, even if you don't give a damn about it, like right now.

But oh well,

I don't think I deserve any second chance.

Not at all.

Here goes my fucking mindset again.

I just don't deserve it

Being optimistic won't do me any good.

Fuck.

I don't even know how to keep a conversation going, how the fuck am I supposed to flirt and be attractive to anyone?

I can only talk to guys.

And at most, I can only be a close friend to any female beings around.

Yeah well, that's how I always appear to be anyway.

I never win. I always lose.

Fuck it man, seriously.

I just wanna scold myself.

How can I be such a sore loser?

Loser from head to toe.

"Leadership Symposium" - as quoted by Jie Xiang,

I know I don't deserve anything from you, at all.

But just so you know,

And even though you'll never know,

Everytime the clock strikes the same number,

I've experienced 12:12, 1:11, 2:22, 3:33, 5:55, 19:19, and of course 11:11,

When the universe opens up to our wishes, so they say,

As much as I wish to pass my Promos,

I can't help wishing a second chance from you, dear Stone,

And of course,

That you won't get stressed up, and ace all of Promos, just like how you always wanted, and deserve it =)

In the meantime, I shall again, for the subsequent times, retreat to my abyss.

The baby steps.

I'm moving on...


Or so I hope...




It feels painfully slow...



And things around me just keep being a nuisance for reminding me of those useless, stupid, but pleasant memories.




Fuck, please, I need to move on.






Exam's most crucial now.




Nothing else shall be more important, but I can't help it, again and again.

Die, feeling, die!

Fuck

Miss you again

Lame I know.
Damn stupid.
I feel like banging my head on the wall, but always end up banging my fists instead.

To dear freaking feeling,
Just die, will you?

The unrequited one.

Yeah it was quite a ride.

I should have woken up to my logic long ago.

No point pouring so much for someone who's not worth it.

Someone who doesn't even care you exist.

Crazy, isn't it?

Why would I be falling for someone like that so deeply?

Come on, she didn't even care.

And I didn't even try to get back up.

And that's why, as an unrequited one,

I swear I'm turning my emotion into something else.

Something much more useful to me.

I won't wish for this pain and heartache to go away though.

I hope it keeps burning, ever so strong.

'Cause now I know how to use it to fuel my ambition.

Strange.

I don't know, I just have been feeling strange about it.

I'm not sure if that's because I'm used to messaging all the time with her.

But now, whenever I am holding my phone, I can't help but thinking that it's been long since I used the Message apps.

Looking back just a few weeks ago, we were still texting 24/7.

I cannot lie. I love it. I love the feeling when we kept in touch.

Somehow talking to you has become a daily stuff for me. Even one day without it seems to be a weird day.

Oh my, I remember phrasing that sentence in my brain.

I just hoped I wouldn't have to use it.

Now I really just did.

This ache inside, I can't fathom why.

You were not yet any part of me.

We were not yet defined.

But somewhere, somehow, our lives seemed to be integrated.

And now, even after weeks of isolation, my brain, and my heart still can't let you go.

I still don't get it.

Why did you change your attitude towards me?

It was sunny and bright. Not even a cloud hovered above me.

But now, you just brought a random typhoon and hurricane to my skies.

In fact, it hasn't stopped.

This pain was not the same as I had experienced earlier this year.

I can't figure out why this feels worse.

All I know is I was blinded again.

My heart was played again.

I was the fool again.