Merely infatuation.

To tell you the truth, Mr. Bloggie,
I was quite shocked that Juwinda's relationship status in Facebook changed from "single" to "in a relationship"




I was wrong to assume that being in girls' school she never got close to guys.



Not heartbroken or what.
But honestly I just thought we might have chance.
Since the scandal anyway ==



And since we talked recently.
And since she sounded so friendly.
And since she chose me and said "only Indonesian-Chinese can be trusted" in the game Shot-Shack-Marry.



I guess my wishful thinking got a bit too far again.




This, was surely, and confirmed-ly because of my so-called desperation.
I needed someone new to replace You-know-who.
Someone who could fill my day with happiness, someone who cares for me and I can care for.
But I guess, this isn't my turn either.



AND AGAIN,
SOMEBODY HAS GOT AHEAD OF ME.










You know what.



DAMN IT. FUCK IT. SCREW IT.








Nevermind.
I shall continue waiting.
I need to be completely empty.
A cup that is full can't be filled with something new.
As long as I haven't forgotten about her, I don't deserve the heart of someone's new.
It'll only kill me and the person at the same time, in the end.








I must clear my mind off the infatuation.
Studies come first.
So does basketball.
I need to concentrate into getting into the team.



Even though it's almost hopeless for me.
But again, I mustn't forget that
"I'm a clear-cut nearly-hopeless case when it comes to giving up chasing my dreams."
And going into NJBasketball team is my current short-term dream for now.
Scoring well for A Levels is my medium-distanced dream.
To enter a medicine faculty in a university is my long-distanced dream.
Being a good doctor is forever my final aim.






Time to work towards them.