This feeling's like a tree
My heart's like the ground
My brain's like a woodcutter.



At first, the tree was small.
And it grew, very slowly but beautifully.
It became a good asset for the woodcutter, who took shelter under the canopy every hot afternoon.


But one day, the woodcutter was dozing off under the tree, when a storm was imminent.
Lightning struck, and thunder roared.
And suddenly, a lightning struck on the top of the gigantic tree.
The massive electric current travelled down the tree, and struck the ground just a few inches beside the sleeping woodcutter.

He woke up, shocked.

Realising the danger of the big tree, he decided to cut it off.

And he did.


But all he cut was the trunk and above it.
The roots was still there.
And the woodcutter had no idea how to remove it.
And he couldn't help reminiscing all the comfort under the tree, but at the same time the moment that had almost killed him.


It was both painful, and yet blissful.






Yes, that's what I have just realized about my feelings for her now.


I might have managed to cut the surface of it. But as long as the roots are still attached to my heart, it won't go away.





In fact, it may even re-grow...

Sometimes you just need to be alone.


It makes you reflect on things better.



How ungrateful I was for the free time I had in the past.


Now when I'm almost always full, I yearn for some soul-searching time.






Motivation, motivation.
I gotta get back it all.

Remember,
As a brother, I have to set an example.
As an eldest son, I have to bear the responsibilities of the family name.
As a human being, I need to be more responsible as I grow up.
And as me, myself, and I, I need to work like a horse to enter a Medicine Faculty somewhere on this Earth.



And for that,
Nothing else should matter.
Nothing else.
All else shall remain small part of my life.
Friends, and those who lie and keep their masks worn.
Lovers, who shall be the one to stab your heart repeatedly in the end.
Games, who could be the only thing to suck up your useful time.





The problem doesn't lie if I wanna do it or not.
It's whether I can do it.


This brotherhood I have. This bond I've formed these few years with all them...
This heart that's been yearning for you time and again...
These games that's been filling my life with colour when all else blackened it.
How could I let go?
I know it's a mere short-term happiness.
But then it's still difficult to let them all go.
[Especially the second problem]




Problems problems and problems.
Never-ending.






Only one thing to do now;


Persevere.