Oh yes..oh no,,,

Dear bloggie,
I have a lot of stuff to talk to u abt.

I have been so busy lately. My life was very hectic. Lotsa homework n tasks to b completed. And yet, less time to do that...
I feel heavily fatigued everyday. In fact, I would already faint if not for her..

Guess whO? Yes, thats her. =)

She has been so called 'with me' for most of the time. Not as in we were together for most of the time in real life. Bt at least we keep in touch virtually. Yea u know wad I mean...hahaha...

And the seemingly out-of-nowhere 3 words sms of 'i miss u' was like puzzling me but tats not the important part. It was bcoz after I read tat message after my nap on such an exhausting day, I felt like I had juz received a new surge of strength inside me which help me to go on...

And da next few days . Well, juz talked most of da time. Both in sch and virtually. Haha. May nt be a big deal for some ppl, even for her. But it means a lot to me =)

Oh, and yeah, she told me that more people are getting aware of our status. [almost whole class..some of them even think FURTHER than they shld be suspicious about ==']
Ah nvm...if she doesnt care, it's nt a problem for me anymore...=D

Anw she looks cheery recently. Dunno if tats real, but i hope she can be like this, every day. FOR REAL....

I am certainly grateful towards her care and concern for me. But I wonder what is going on in her mind abt me =|


OK, SECOND ISSUE ==

Just when I thought she was cheery recently, her moods change drastically again over weekend.
this always happens every saturday...
And yes, with her boyfee....==

Ok, I dun really know how to make her feel better....
I admit I am such a noob ==
And I've realised that no matter how much effort I put in, or how much I can make her happy...
That wont last long.
And that short-lived moments I created were nt impacting her as much as things that happened during her Saturday...
Haiz...
Am I so insignificant?
I guess so...
=)

And if I thought that what I did was my best....
I keep thinking, "what if my best wasnt enough?"
What if my best is INSIGNIFICANT for someone?

Haha...
I am juz an idiot...
Have I been lured to a lovesick hole?

Idiot
Dumb
Noob
Rubbish
Trash
Failure
An insignificant existence =)

Yep, tats me ,bloggie...

Bloggie, if only u can talk, I would beg u to scold me with all the synonym words for "idiot"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

CONTROL

Kevinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Can u pls juz for once or twice control ur feelings??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

DUn let it overwhelm u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

U dun have to feel hurt all the time right?????????

THINK POSITIVE
HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE TOLD TAT TO MYSELF
AND LOOK AT HOW NEGATIVE I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THINKING

dumbdumbdumbdumbdumbdumb

u are such an idiot ==


And for the subsequent times,
SHE IS NOT ANYTHING OF URS

STOP FEELING DOWN AS IF U KEEP LOSING SOMETHING

U DUN HAVE TO BE LOVESICK

RELAX
CONTROL

SO MANY THINGS TO DO THAN JUZ THINKING OF HER ALL THE TIME

CONTROL x10000000

=='

I feel so stupid

P.S: so stupid of me

fed up

DAMN I AM HAVING FLU. BAD MOOD NOW. PPL CAN IRRITATE ME EASILY. FUCK FUCK.. ==

Guess tats wad happened if u got poured by rain and didnt bathe for very long ==
FLu epidemic is on now ==

And what is wrong with her?????

Dun complain all the time, pls...i am also not in my perfect condition.

bloggie, i dun wanna show to her i am not in gd mood and health -.=

Oh, and am i so dumb?


I am like missing her for 24/7..never for once she left my mind ==

okay, she told me she is happy to spend time with me...
i am happy too.. too happy until i feel so lost when she waved and said good bye=='

and it seemed like her happiness with me is so short-lived and weak.

Encountered one or 2 sad stuffs, the feeling like gone away already ==

she nv cares, it seems.

am i dumb?

dumby?
dummy?

who cares. my feeling will stay this way =)

haha..thx bloggie. i feel a bit better now..


AND HOW THE HELL CAN I FINISH OFF ALL MY MUCUS IN THE NOSE THAT IS BLOCKING MY BREATHING PASSAGE?

IT IS SIMPLY ANNOYING

The "Who-cares" Mask.

Yeap, as the title says, I will heck care from now on.
The loud, full-of-jokes Kevin will not be so free from tmr..haha...

I guess I am going back to my old emo self?

Not exactly, bloggie.

I wont look sad or upset...

I will put on a smile
My true-self completely disguised by my new Who-Cares mask.
Coz in the meantime I have to learn how to really not to give a damn abt things around me.
So for some times I could still feel...

Nevermind, bloggie. It's between you and me. Nobody will know. haha.
I'm getting tired of this world.
This world I am living in, forces me to let go of being myself all the time.
And come back of being in a Soap Opera stage....

To think that Klara had indirectly helped me pulling out my true-self again from the darkness...
And I need IT to be buried again?
But if i dont put it back to darkness,
People could easily read me and might even backstab me

They all think I am so readable..heh...
Let me show you all what I've got...
Sorry my True-Self [the loud, outspoken, active, joker Kevin],
But I guess u gotta HIBERNATE for some time again *winks*

*closing my eyes*
*giving my True-self some electric shock*
*binding it with a hard rope*
*throwing it to a coffin*
*putting in the coffin to a highly-guarded-with-security-codes cupboard*

DONE!

*slashing open my other self's coffin*
*waking up my emo-side*
*greeting him*

Welcome back! =)
My Emo-self: Well, well, well...What do we have here?
Me: We shall rule again....
My Emo-self: Just what I've been waiting for....
Me: On one condition,
My Emo-self: Anything to make me rule with you.
Me: U are to listen to me, and not to do anything by ur own accord.
My Emo-self: As u wish....master...

Part of me has darkened now...And I'll do things according to what my mind's conscience...
[at least till my True-self could break out of that coffin of his]

Thanks bloggie, once again...See ya around...MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA [distant laugh from my Emo-self]

Hate [NOT] that I love YOU =( =) LOL

By loving you, I feel like there is a rose with spikes binding my heart.

It sometimes gives me happiness, while on some other times the thorns were trying to crush my heart out =.=

I am feeling happy with these feelings.
I alr told myself many, many times.
My love, for now, is unconditional..
Which needs no return..

And quite true, i really dont demand for anything to repay...
I guess my feelings for her was still same as ever...
[well, maybe increased a lot after Valentine's Day xD]

Then my dear bloggie, can u explain why I am feeling painful so many times?
...
When she mentions abt her beloved guy and especially when she told me abt bad times with him....
...
WHAT THE HELL

Dun care ur painful "spikes", juz focus urself on the "Rose" and the beautiful things =)
ONE more thing, never treat her bad...;)


2nd issue.....

After watching Oh Baby today...
I guess some ppl do wear masks , while hiding their true self behind...
Isnt this the art of BACKSTABBING?

Oh damn damn damn
Why do I keep worrying abt my brothers wearing a mask?
I never wanna think of them backstabbing me or wad...
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

And that time,
I was trying to have fun...
Yeri and San were talking...
And I kinda putting in some loud jokes
She wasnt happy, dammit..

I mean wad did I do?
it's nt as if she didnt know i like to put in joke
Even if she didnt like it...cant she juz say it first-hand?
NO NEED TO BE ANGRY OUT OF SUDDEN RIGHT?

QIAN LEI OSO
DUN LIKE THEN SAY FIRST LAH
NO NEED TO SHOUT ALL CHINESE BAD WORDS RIGHT
NGEPET ANJING LO SIALAN =.=

If like this, I need to learn my lesson

Thats it, man...
I'm not gonna be so friendly to people alr...
I'll not be opening myself to juz anyone out there...
I'll wear a mask...
I'll juz be friendly for the sake of being friendly
I'll do this: "blend in, and dont trust anyone"
[thx Need For Speed Undercover, for this quotes =)]

I won't trust anyone so easily right now...
Maybe it's wrong to trust Yeri so much right now ==
Call me childish or anything people, coz i dont care...
If u all think u can read me so easily, let me tell u,
None of u understands me, so think again, faggots!!!!!!!
=.=

It's ur problem if u wanna trust me...
But I can only trust a handful of people in my life now...
The rest, none of my business.


Shit, i feel like scolding all the bad words in the world right now...=__________=

Good bye, bloggie. Till next time =) Thx for accompanying my RANDOM post of my feelings...

What brotherhood is this?

They all said I am their Brother.
They said We 3 are Brothers, Invincible.

But what?

They two left me often a lot.
Even during after class time.
Ok I admit I may think too much this time.

But like these 2 things,

1). Sometimes I saw they showed brotherly care to each other more than to me.

2). And as a brother of them, I wanna share the happiness and sadness we had together. Yesterday, Mars gave Stacy the chocolate, and I wasnt there. They all left without me first. They came back, seemed very happy.
And I had no idea about it.

Thinking too much again?
WHY?!
WHY!?

Why I keep thinking that Liaowei dun like me so much and seemed to think that I was an intruder to both of them??????
Coz anyway, they were alr good frens even before I joined them.
If tats the case, should i juz move away? should i juz stay behind?

I dunno if they even treat me as brothers. ==
DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, to valentine day.
The most significant thing is that I walked her home =)
We walked quite closely, and rather relaxed for me...
Damn, if she isnt attached to anyone, I would have hugged her waist while walking or hold her hands...HAHAHAHA ==
But I can't. I have to respect her. She isnt my girlfriend...

We talked about some normal stuffs. Exception was made by me when sometimes i kinda teased her..hehe...I would say stuffs like "My mind only have one girl right now" or "But hmm..I think I like someone better right now" when I talked to her about others.

Anyway, I went home straight after she reached her hostel. She had her self-study straight after that, I guess.
Then at evening must be her peak momentum of today =)
She would be going out with her beloved guy.

Well...
Thought it may be painful for me [IT IS PAINFUL, dammit] ,
I'll pray the best for her today.
Hope she could have the most beautiful night of her life...=D