"Even if it's not intended as a message, it's a message nonetheless."

So fucking done with this nonsense.

Seriously, why do so many people do what they don't say, and say what they don't do?




After a rather spontaneous meet-up with the YOLO/Brotel gang earlier today, I went back with a few points on my mind




Many of us do not consider the fact that our actions and decisions can inflict damage to people around us.

We live in an era (or society, or environment) where people communicate based on mind games more than half of the time.

Emotional decisions can be consciously-driven too, and that putting the reasons on "genetics" or "being born/feeling this way" can in fact be a series of lame justifications and excuses.




So this time, I'm making the conscious decision to let go and walk the fuck away, despite my heart repeatedly telling me to re-consider giving it another chance.

Because I've really had enough of this mind-games situation where every attempt I make at finding out just gets repelled time and again.

(well, I guess that in itself is a message too. But you see what I'm doing here, bloggie? BACK AGAIN AT THE GUESSING GAME)

And I guess I just can no longer stand people who are not mature enough to confront, admit what they think and feel, and deal with them.

Yes that includes myself too, and that's why I now decide to deal with it and yank the hell out of the source.





No matter how excruciating this may feel at the moment, 
Even as I'm typing this with trembling limbs and eyes on the brink of tears,
I've never once needed your pity.
I really liked you, and I never thought I could finally open up my walls to someone like this again after so long.

But I cannot do this forever, not when you gradually torture me with your actions that make me question so many things.

Why does it turn out this way?

Did I ever do something wrong?

If there was nothing in the first place, then what did I see and feel when this all began?

Why do you seem to avoid me and my issue now?

Can I only be a second option?

Are you asking me to wait or are you asking me to fuck off?

Why do I have to guess everything?

Why. Did. I. Turn. Out. So. Insecure. And. Mentally-Insane?


Nonetheless,
I have faith that I'll get through this, and move on quickly.