An update after long.

I've not been updating regularly huh..

Life has been busy for me, bloggie.

Not that I have a lot of things to do.
It's just that I feel very pressurised, mentally.
I'm in a period where I don't have a permanent place to stay, currently.
This feeling of having to keep moving from one temporary place to another, is just slowly screwing me inside out.
And while I need to find one urgently, my parents seem to be very relaxing.
They want a really, really cheap room, yet not appear too rushed.
But damn it, I NEED to rush in finding a place soon...
They keep saying their doubts if my JC will be far from my place-of-stay, bla3x...
But I don't care. I've already thought of a plan, and told my mom too.
If I didn't manage to enter NJC, at most I'll bear 6 months before finding a new place.
Or I can bear studying in the bus during my journey to and from school.
Heck, I can even take my nap.
So I totally think that this decision of mine wasn't impulsive. Because I really have thought it through!

And about her,
Again I'm being torn apart by my own Mind and Heart respectively.
Can they work together just for once and not conflicting all the time?
My brothers have advised me to just find a New One soon. They said without going out and spend time together, we can never make it through.
My Mind totally agreed.
We've never gone out together.
I've never asked, knowing what she would answer anyway.
No.
Yep, that's what I usually get.
Especially if I say there'll only be two of us.
Knowing my brothers, they'll say no if I ask them out with her.
And which other girl do I have available to ask to go out? -.-

My Heart, however, said otherwise.
It always sings me a lyric from Westlife song, Swear It Again, one of her favourites, and mine too.
"And all of the people that we used to know, just giving up they wanna let it go, but we're still trying.."
True.
Liao wei and Mars both gave up and let go of Yy and Stacy respectively.
Me and her? Still trying.
Just by communicating, yes, virtually.
I feel that it's still possible to get better, but to what extent, I don't know.
Sometimes, some things that need to be communicated get screwed up because she either doesn't wanna talk about it or she feels it's not the right time to discuss them.

....

Usually two people have to spend time together often to keep the feeling on its peak.
I don't know about her, but my feelings stay on top performance just by communicating virtually with her.
I can feel that we're different from other couples.
In the span of 2 years plus, the number of times we go out together doesn't even reach five.
Yet our feelings remain quite strong, and hopefully still growing.
[Please, don't let what I say here be just my imagination. I hope the feeling's strong for real...]

Nonetheless,
There's a voice coming from my Mind's direction.
It keeps screaming something, which I have tried hard to ignore but to no avail.

"As long as she doesn't break up and choose between one of you, this is as far as you go. In the end, all your blood and tears will go to vain again. It'll only kill both of you. You'll be abandoned in the end!"

I tried to turn both a blind eye and a dead ear to the shout.
But the more I ignore, the harder the phrase shoots through my senses.


Unfortunately, I can't deny that it sounds painfully right.....

Let Destiny does his job.
If he wanna support me, he'll show the way.
Likewise, if he means to drill some more holes in my chest, he surely will.