It's been long, right?

I believe I haven't got in touch with you for quite long, bloggie.


As usual, my feelings were in a flux again.



Few days ago I turned to be quite emotionless about this stuff that has been going inside me.
About her and everything else about her.


I didn't really care anymore.
I didn't care what she wanted to do.
I didn't care who she was with.
I didn't care who she wanted to be.
I didn't care about what and how she was feeling.


I don't mean 'didn't care' in a bad way here.
It was just that I wouldn't get the urge to punch the wall if my emotions fluxed at the mention of her.
I was calm.



Now I am not, anymore.
The calmness starts to fade.



My emotions were again in a whirl.



Just minutes ago before she went to sleep, we talked about whether she would forget her old friends, despite her not wanting her friends to forget her.

And for some unknown reasons, I typed what I really was feeling;
That I felt neglected by her.


I denied it at the end, that maybe this was just due to my selfish attitude, so I feel neglected.
I don't know if it really is because of my selfishness or it really is like what I said.



But I do feel this way.
This is one of the reasons why I left an invisible scar on my knuckles.
They can't be seen, but the pain can be felt everytime I touch it.


But let this serve as a painful reminder to me,
Together with the bookmarked Facebook notes that she has written.

This will serve as a reminder for me not to be too good too quickly, or I'll just be a spare tyre.
This will serve as a reminder for me to choose someone carefully before falling in love. But oh well, falling in love is not an option. It is destiny.
This will serve as a reminder for me not to get controlled by my own emotion. This is of the utmost important.









This is funny, I just wrote not to punch wall.
Now I wanna bang the wall in front of me.
=_=





Even though I didn't care.
My feelings didn't change the slightest bit.
Still going strong, still flaring.
While I think her feeling to me compared to this is just a candle light. Haha.


Nevermind, adoring someone doesn't mean she has to adore me as much as I adore her.
I can still watch her and someone else from their backs, wishing happiness for her and smile as she smiles happily.




Though it may not be me who makes her happy.