Same old brand new dilemma

Another same old brand new dilemma.


She cant choose between one of us, or so it seems to me now.

But sooner or later, I know it won't be me. I'll be abandoned.
She'll go with him afterall.


Should I move on, trying not to try anymore?

But if I give up now, it's still not the end yet. I may get different result.

Yet the outcome seems crystal-clear now.

She'll not be with me in the end.
It looks too much for her to give up the future Security for Happiness.
Yeah yeah yeah. To her I'm "a short-term Happiness. We won't spend the rest of my life together. No, not even the slightest chance of it."


...

And so my brain shouts, "What are you waiting for?! Move on!"


But this is what I am.

I'm a clear-cut near-hopeless case when it comes to giving up in chasing my Happiness.


On one side, I don't wanna give up trying as long as I could make out the tiny glimpse of hope in front of me.

On another side, my soul is starting to get weary after all the daily mental tortures.

And my Negative self can't wait to give her an ultimatum.
For her to choose one, once and for all.
For me to get all, or nothing at all.
But..
BUT..
This childish action, is totally not preferable.
It'll only show her, to the world, and to myself how immature and hot-headed I am.

After all, one of my resolutions this year is to keep calm and cool-headed in various situations.

Calm down calm down.
I know I'm just exhausted after having to make the decisions regarding moving house and the transport+study/nap plan shld I get a far-far-away JC.


Haha to some people this is tiny matter. Like an annoying flying insects which require just a little squash to get rid of.

Why do I make it sound so big and troublesome.

What an immature seventeen-year-old creature I am.
Other homosapiens my age have learned to sharpen survival skills.

Me?
A spoiled brat who needs to rely on others to help.


Noob. Suck.