It's 5th November 12:32am, according to my clock.

It's about 58 minutes more to our 2-month-sary.

We're getting into our 3rd month on our journey together.

Looking back, it's short.

But feeling back, it's been a lot of things.

Really, I feel that we've been through so many together.

And going into our 3rd month together,

I'm feeling as happy as ever.

It's just,

I don't really fancy the fact that in the start of our 3rd month together,

We have to face separation.

It won't be long, of course I know.

But the thought of it,

Is enough to cause an impact on my mental state.

It's also largely because of you that I haven't broken down mentally today.

Not after all the disappointment I inflicted on myself.

Thanks to you, really.

But maybe my bad mood really managed to seep into everything that I was today.

Not to mention the feeling I have that there ARE actually people who have relied on you before me.

That there are people who actually needed you more than I did.

And that me being this way was actually adding to your burden even more.

I'm sorry for being so difficult.

I'm sorry for being so crippled on my own.

I'm sorry for needing you in my life.

I'm sorry for wanting to have you by my side.

As I thought, and voiced out today,

I still can't figure out why.

What do you see in me?

In fact, what do people ever see in me?

In my own perspectives,

I'm a nobody.

I'm not a revolutionary.

I don't possess anything special.

I don't even know if I'm ever worthy of your every attention that you presented upon me.

In fact that all I know is that I've been an ignorant, insensitive bastard that has always failed your expectations time and again. Yes, it's like I never learn.

And lastly,

I'm sorry for not wanting to say all these.

It's never in my intention to bring you down with me.

In fact,

Every little pieces of me hope that you won't be able to read this.

At least, until about 20 days later.

It's bad enough knowing that I'm feeling like I'm being pulled into another mental abyss.

It's much, much more aggravating to see that I'm dragging you down with me.

Go, and do what you are always meant to do.

You can excel this.

Don't worry about me.

I want you to put A Level before me.

Goddamn it,

No, of course I wanna be first for you.

But for your own good,

For your own sake.

Don't waste it on me.

Focus for the challenges ahead.

You'll breeze through it.

Just like I always knew you will.

With love,

Me.

:)