Is there a need for a 'straightening-out' ?

Mixed feelings are battling inside me.

I dunno what made me feel so bad that I lost all my mood to do anything, even homework and study, which I am SUPPOSED to do....==

It's another problem with him again. 

This time even worse , he said those "i am tired of you" straight out. 

Before I gotta tell u what I felt when u told me that, I already wanted to smash my fist through something.

I know how painful that words are

Especially when told by someone u love the most in this world.

You never told me that

Yet I felt so much pain inside me, just because the person you love the most told it to u =)

I cant imagine how much hurt u might be feeling inside, though u hide it

Can't imagine how much tears u might have shed

Can't imagine how shattered ur heart was

Can't imagine...... =.=

And I hate myself

I hate to see someone i love so much being hurt like this

I hate to see her, who is supposed to be treated so much better, being treated this way

I hate myself for being unable to do anything

I hate myself for letting ur tears drop

I hate myself for not being there

I hate myself for DOIN NOTHING

I wanna do something

But there's nothing I can do

NOTHING

NOTHING I have done could cure her, could ease her pain, her hurt

AND DONT YOU KNOW I HATE MYSELF EVEN MORE FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO FIND SOMETHING TO CURE YOUR HEART????!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!

I am seriously affected by this.

I have no mood to study

I am always distracted

Even though by playing basketball I was pumped up with adrenaline, 

the pain just lies in wait, and when my adrenaline level goes down, it strikes me back ==

Damn YOU! ==

I have been thinking

One of my bro was telling me yesterday, "U should think what really matters to u. 

U wouldnt want to sacrifice my studies and future for her."

He even told me to consider if I really should forget her.

"Consider that this way, it really is going nowhere for u.

U love her so much, but she might never feel the same, U might be wasting my time in this O Level  year."

Maybe I should really take a break.

1). Treat her like last year. Love her unconditionally, though I thought she WILL never feel it this way towards me =)

2). DONT EXPECT ANYTHING IN RETURN WITH WHATEVER I HAVE GIVEN HER.

But.....

That might need some time,

and I might need to get away from her for a period of time.

Worse case, i might even need to stop all contact with her.

And even worse, might have to treat like she never exists.

It will be very hard, almost impossible for me, if i ever need to go until that extent.

But for O-level, I gotta be strong.

For my future.

For my dreams.

For my parents who had put so much effort to pay for my studies

For my world.

For myself.

For God.

I gotta do this.

COME ON , KEVIN

DONT GIVE UP

STRIVE HARD TOWARDS YOUR GOALS

DONT BE DISTRACTED

IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING

NEVER BACK DOWN

ONE LIFE. LIVE IT HARD, LIVE IT STRONG.  

=)