Hello again

Long time didnt post here bloggie.haha.
How have you been? =\

Anyway I am sure u are always fine. Not like me..hahaha...

SCMUN was alr over long ago..and guess what? I miss that and the frens i met there =)
To be honest it actually opened my eyes

Well, frankly, I met a few girls over there, those who i guess can be my frens, though now I alr lost contact with them =X
I realised that actually theres no need to feel heartbroken....
Sometimes the person u are willing to die for may not be the one....
How foolish I have been, for feeling so mentally broken down whenever somebody played with my feelings. hahaha....

Secondly, I can't be complacent....coz no matter how good u are, there are always ppl out there who can be MUCH better than you, right? ;)

Thirdly, go out there and join competitions! We may learn something from there , and even meet someone unexpected ;)

Haha, u might wonder, bloggie, what abt my feelings for her? =)

Nah, my feelings for her juz stays the same. Just that I wont get heartbroken or sad or upset whenever she doesnt seem to care abt me or doesnt feel the way i feel abt her...=)

I dont know if she was jealous abt me getting to know other girls or wad...
But please, I wanna let her know that she is the only girl I love in this world right now ==
The rest, just FRIENDS...really =)






Oh anyway
I dont know if it is juz me ==
I feel she is getting far frm me
Like, we arent close anymore
No matter how much concern I show,
She doesnt seem to respond like how she used to be
Now she is very reluctant, and from her sms I feel that she replies just because she feels obliged to...
Sometimes she even doesnt reply me at all
She kept saying that she doesnt receive any sms frm me
But , i was like...HOW COULD THAT BE? O_O
I mean, i nv have this kind of problem before, never have this to ANYONE ELSE
Just her
Damnnnn why do i feel she is lying? =='
ARGHHHHHHH

Honestly some parts in my heart juz tell me: "Dont believe that Kevin. Surely she is hiding something from ya! xD"
ARGGHHHHH
Which , to my horror, I feel that it sounds logical
Come on, it never happened before okay ==

FINE! NONE OF MY BUSINESS!
SHE DOESNT WANNA TALK, SO BE IT!
WHAT THE FREAK CAN I DO IF SHE DOESNT WANT?
SHUT UP, KEVIN!
WHATEVER SHE IS DOING,
HOW BUSY SHE IS

IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


= =


Anyway, again ==
Recently,
My first ex in singapore,
suddenly told me abt her feelings that is still intact for me, since we broke up, in 2006
I was still secondary 1 and damnnnnn noob tat time =P so i LITERALLY didnt do ANYTHING

And quite out of a sudden
She said she wanted my hugs and kisses [==']
And maybe we should go out....
Her mind even wondered quite 'far' ==
Wew....
Gila neh orang

And i didnt know what happened to me,
i juz responded like 'ok2 anything" or something like that

I felt really guilty afterwards
I thought abt it throughout the next day
Which made me very distracted during my lessons in school.

At evening, when she was online again
I told her with a calmer mind, and i knew what i really wanted
I told her we shldnt do this
i didnt wanna lead her a long and keep lying
but she still wanted me to lie instead ==
wat the....

I didnt wanna do all those things, bloggie
I dont wanna betray my own feelings
And lastly, I dont wanna be a player.
I'd rather she just forgets abt me, coz wad i feel abt her is not more than friends =)
And I cant love two persons at the same time. Tats just impossible =)

And she alr has a boyfriend okay - -

Anw i find that very weird...
coz it is juz too sudden...==


Well....at least my mind is not stressed up again
i feel calmer now...

Nevertheless, by doing this
I alr evaded her, if she was lying to me abt that xD
2ndly, I dont break her heart so badly, at least...I'd do worse if i lead her along xD




P.S. : When I was very down and broken yesterday because of this thing, where were u? =) Were u there for me at all?
Nvm, I expected too much of u...why shld u care for me at all actually? =)

Not to forget, Jessica. Makasi bgt for ur help in giving me advices on how shld i deal with that ex of mine =X This is the first time I encountered such a situation and thx for opening my eyes okay =)