So long, bloggie.

Okay, I'm in Indo now.
Good holiday, I guess, except that there isn't much to do here.
Which leads my never-say-die brain to ponder over things much more frequently, and deeply.


This note I wrote at about 1:33am last night, was such example.



I believe I used to say that I'll let her go with her life and the guy, even if she's a soulmate.

This moment I just found out that I couldn't. Never.

She's far too valuable to be described with words, and too precious to let go.
Finding a soulmate is a once-in-a-lifetime chance.
True, there may be other mates, but it's unlikely.
I want her to be the only piece of me, and me to be the only one of hers.

I wanna spend the rest of my life with someone destined for me.

After reading at one of my Beatty friend's expressive Facebook profile,
I realised how much pain he's going through after the break-up with a supposedly "girl closest ever to him".
I went through the same period of pain, only that I could hide it even better.
Nobody knows until I said it.
Not bad huh xD

Ok ahem back to topic.

I suddenly thought, what if what is happening to him could happen to me.
What if she walks away, leaving me stranded all by myself.
It's bad enough imagining all the pain I took in during the time we were avoiding each other,
Not to mention I will go through a much worse period if this thing really happens to me.

Ah what the hell.

I should know by now the chance to be with her is super slim.
Yet I refused to give up, thinking that I still have a chance.
My heart risked all of itself.
Risked to love totally, risked getting torn apart.
All for that slim chance.

I kept saying to myself that when the time comes, my effort will pay off.
But a part of me knew we'll never be together.
Never.
Never.
Never ever.
Never ever ever.


Unless she wants to work for it too.
Which again, will never happen.
Never.
Never.
Never ever will.
Never ever ever will.

I myself dunno why I think about all these painful thoughts every night before I sleep, automatically.

Ah what the hell.

The battle of my emotions.

I can never understand what's your say about this.
Oh well, as if I'll ever ask either. I'm such a coward.
Always afraid to ask about how are you and him either.
Afraid of feeling hurt.
Afraid of the pain.
Suck.
Coward.

I should go to sleep.
Hopefully the excruciating thoughts can slow down in crunching my mental state.
But again, as if it will happen.
Never.
Never.
Never ever.