Another past I recalled.

All of a sudden a thought came by my mind.


These 2 years with her was not a smooth journey.
And when I thought this was a long road,
I remembered my first love.
A 7 years of 'adventure'. Haha.






It was on year 1999.
Primary 2, first day.
I already made a name for myself as the noisiest guy in class, a title I manage to hold until today, regardless where I am living at xD
And the form teacher made a decision, to sit me to next a girl.
Not just a girl, but the QUIETEST in class.
Well, it didn't bother me at first.
I kept talking during lessons.
But many times, she shushed me.
And then something moved inside me.
I felt different.
Normally I talk to guys and girls indifferently. Both are same.
And the night I started feeling different. I started to think about her.
I was so young, so childish.
Yet what I thought was love.
And there it goes.

The next day I didn't know what went into my mind.
I started making simple letters with 'I Love You'.
Then sending it to her.
I remembered on a day I even learnt to make a simple flower using origami technique.
Professing my love to her in public, I couldn't care less.
In fact, I didn't think of the consequences.

For the subsequent years till Primary 6,
Basically the whole school knows about my feelings for her.
Yes, ALL of the school, even teachers and janitors.
What a scandal I made for myself.
Even to my Kumon centre, everyone who hung around with me, and the teachers knew.
I remembered once, suddenly her little brother came up to me, asking me "Kevin brother, you really like my sister?"
IN FRONT OF THE EYES OF SO MANY TEACHERS.
Hahahaha that was very comical, now that I think about it.

Anyway she never responded to my feelings for 4 years until we graduated from that primary school.
And even though I liked other girls in between the years, my heart kept coming back to her.
I even got another girlfriend between those years.
Another scandal I made. That girlfriend was the tallest girl in class, so she was taller than me. And me? The shortest guy in class.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.


Surprisingly though, I started to see this first love of mine more often in the church, especially since I started to join the altar boys group.
She was a senior in that year.
We didn't talk much.
Eye contacts were all that were.
Then everything started to change.
I didn't remember how we started to text each other more often day by day.
That was during first year of Secondary.
Although we went to separate schools,
we lived around the same neighbourhood,
And we went to same church.
Oh yeah, same Kumon centre too.

Once I sat beside her during the lessons.
And that was when my heart felt love for first time. Haha.
I could see her smiling from the corner of my eye too.

And then next year,
Secondary 2.
The peak of our relationship.
We became really close, although people couldn't see it till me or her told them.
We texted every night.
And one day, around 1am, I asked her out.
And yes, she accepted.
However, the next morning, she said she couldn't do this. Her parents would get furious if they knew.
So alright, then. Haha.
Surprisingly, she still talked very sweetly towards me.
Even better than before I asked her out.


And then that was valentine.
She offered me to exchange chocolate.
So I went to buy the best chocolate I could find, secretly of course.
And when we met [SECRETLY, haha.], I was again surprised that she gave me a pink chocolate, with the words I Love You carved in the centre.
When she gave it to me, she smiled and said "Sorry if it doesn't look too good. This is the best I could make."
SHE MADE IT HERSELF. OMG xDDD
For the first time I felt loved. Haha.


Beautiful things continued to happen between us that year. We became close as couple, although not officially-said between us =P


But things took a twist of fate.
I moved to study in Singapore on beginning of 2006.
I could see her sadness in her words she sent to me via text message.
We continued to talk till 14th February 2006. Yes, Valentine's Day.
She still said she loved me, but wouldn't mind if I had found another one here in Singapore. Of course I could sense that she wasn't at all happy.
And then,
My Dad noticed the expensive handphone bill I used.
And demanded me at once not to text message internationally again.


So that was it.
My first love catastrophe of my life.
We stopped contact.
I couldn't contact her, she couldn't contact me.
Then we went our separate ways.


Not until about a year later I knew how to use Internet. Yes, chatting.
Then I found her again.
But things weren't the same anymore.
I can't say anything to her now.
And I could sense she couldn't say anything much to me either.


Other love problems have changed myself.


But,
Until last year, I could see she still kept her feeling for me.
We didn't have a chance to fulfil it.
I was already in love with someone then, someone who eventually turned out to be my soulmate.
So in a way I was glad we didn't go out. It might only disappoint her.


And now, at this moment.
She's found her significant other.
I've found my soulmate, who is also with her significant other.
I hope Patricia Nadya, the first person to show me love, will always be happy in the future xD
I wanna express my deepest gratitude to God for her.
And hopefully my torture will end soon. Haha.





Anyway, that was just something I recalled in my mind.
My first love journey was funny, exciting, painful, but yes, beautiful through its 7 years.
My current one, although it's been only 2 years, is not any less torturous.
I can only hope for the happiest ending of my life here, after this painful journey.
Till then, all I can do is wait, and wait, and wait.




Oh, waiting never seems so full of torture before in my life. Haha.




I've never loved someone more than my first, except my soulmate, who hopefully will be my last =)