Issues.

It feels that it's been long since I stopped by, bloggie. So I guess it's time to fill some things in, don't you think? xD

First thing first, prelim result.
Wasnt that bad.

English A2
HML B3 [miracles xD]
Combined Humanities B4
A math A1
E math A1
Biology B3 [fuck that]
Physics A1
Chemistry A1

So L1R5 is 7, from 10 minus 3 pts of HMT and CCA.
Dang, cant enter NJC. Argghhh....



Actually not bad. I studied and concentrated pretty good.
At least not because of thinking of her.
The feeling can at least be tamed now.
TAMED, not ERASED.
And it actually came back again.

I saw a note of her relationship anniversary. 2 years has it been for both of them.
And I thought it wasn't a big deal for me. "I've gotten over her anyway," I thought.
I was wrong.
It opened the patch on my left side of the chest, into a gaping hole once again.
I felt a sudden twinge of pain.
Just that, it wasn't sudden and brief. It lasted.
Lasted until days afterwards. Even now.
I was just so, so fortunate that I discovered it after Prelim exam.

But then again, another problem arises.
O level is coming.
And i'm yet to regain my study-mode.
I procrastinate as much as I want, not bothering about anything else except my laptop and Internet.

Which leads to another issue I'm having right now.
All these laziness I'm experiencing is maybe an aftermath of the re-opening of the virtual hole on my left chest.
I lost all the mood in almost everything, except for relaxing, and slacking.
Even for basketball. I almost lost the desire for the sport I love the most.
Only today, I couldn't fulfill it.
Just about I regained my feeling for it, THE RAIN CAME DOWN SHOWERING THE EARTH.
Damn it, the weather was perfect for outdoor activities before. Damn, DAMN!!!!

A saturday without basketball, just felt really, really weird for me.



Okay, ahem, so, coming back to the issue.
My old traumatising experience came back to haunt me again.
After the holiday, actually, the pain was covered up. And it didn't bother me unless I thought of it at night especially. But even then, I didn't even think much of it.
It certainly gave me an impression that it finally let me go, and I finally got over you.

But now, look at the state I'm in again.
I'm in for another bumpy ride.
The pain, the emptiness, the restlessness, the anger, the disappointment, the betrayal, the lost, the emotion, the feeling.
They're all back, stronger than ever before, ready to pummel me hard on the ground, preventing me from going further.
They're all ready to drag me down the Hell.

Why? What have I done to receive such treatments?
What have I accomplished that caused my own self to be in so much, so deep of trouble?


Girls, love, hatred, the fake-ness of everything, the competitiveness of humans.
It all makes me sick.
Wish i could get on soon. Haha.

Well, in fact, I'm never getting to next life now.
Since I won't move on anyway, why not fight those hordes, barbaric feelings who are trying so hard to pin me down?
It's a Now-Or-Never situation.
O-level Exam, big time, bloggie.


So yeah, rather than being subdued by these 'animals' ? Why don't I try to turn the tide?



Now it's not the matter of What or Why. It's a question of How.


Tuhan, Mother Nature, would Thou be so kind and generous to give me a fraction of your spiritual guidance?
But still, that's just LITTLE BIT.
The 99.9% of the work, still depends on me.





Let's roll.