I only wanna end this year with good things.

I don't wanna end this year in this way with u.

You're now so cold to me. You make me feel as if I'm a stranger to you, and that NOTHING has happened to us.
I don't really mind about the latter, but about the former part, I can't really take it.

I apologise for avoiding you for a while but, won't I have a chance to become even normal friends now?
I wanna end my year in 4e1 with everyone as at least my friend,
but you, you don't even give me a chance to start all over again as a classmate.


Whenever I try to smile when talking to you, you give me a black face.
Whenever I use the slightest chance to strike a conversation, you show me an indifferent attitude.
But ironically, in sms you sound so friendly to me.
Why are you being so fake?
I'm being truthful here.

True, my wounds deep inside my chest have not healed yet, and I'm yet to finish closing up the invisible gaping hole between my ribs.
But I made a promise to myself that this thing shouldn't even happen to us. At the very least I have to let you go as a friend.

Once again let me reiterate, I don't wanna think of you as someone who cuts deep scars inside my heart and someone who tears apart the hole in my heart again after closing it.
Because all the things that have happened between us, all the feelings and emotions and pain I took in, actually came from within myself.
It was precisely because I took all the things you did to me [and maybe, for me] wrongly. I was mistaken.
I thought finally you were the right one for me, the person I've been waiting for to heal my weary heart. But I guess you have never thought that way about me. All you ever thought of me was just someone to confide in, in case there's nobody else for you to turn around [and ONLY when there REALLY is nobody else].
With all the 'signs' and 'green lights' you've showed me all along, I was again mistaken.
And I'm sorry. Truly.

I'm sorry for blaming you, even if it's just slightly or indirectly.
I'm sorry for showing how easily hurt I was.
I'm sorry for making you think that you've hurt me.
I'm sorry for hogging all useless spaces in your mind.
I'm sorry for adding to your already-mountainous stress.
I'm sorry for loving you in the first place.
And I'm sorry for existing in your life, although ironically stumbling upon you during my journey in life is currently the best thing that ever happened to me.


And even with all the things I've written here, words can't describe how sorry I am still.
I'll just wanna wish you all the best things for you in life. May Happiness and Fortune always bestow upon you.
And I guess I'll move on to my journey again. I thought this was my last stop, but maybe I gotta take another train to the next one. Hehe.
I'll wish you luck in your journey as well.
If destiny allows, may we cross our paths again some day.







*Argh, O level is 8 days more. And why I'm thinking this way?*