Which one?

Some people may think [or at least, I used to do so] that I knew what I want.
San, for example. He said I knew what I want and what I don't.
Like, I know I can never be with her, and so I decided to break off completely.



But



Do I, really?




'Cause now that I think about it again,
I am not sure either.


Even if I may appear as if I don't really give a crap about it anymore,
My heart keeps longing for her, desiring everything about her.
It still feels like her presence calms my soul down; her voice soothes my troubled self; her smile, her laugh still cheer me up; her happiness is what will make my day after all.
My logic, however, battles my feeling with every of the opposites.
My brain keeps telling me I have no hope for her. It can never work between her and me. Worst thing - "She has inflicted you with so much pain and grievances, you won't wanna take her back again, if she really comes back to you,".
I know, it'll never happen. She'll never come to me again.
I know I have no more chances, hope, whatsoever.


Between these two, I wonder who'll win.






Anywho, I gotta really focus on revision now.
My relatives all know about my ambition to become a doctor.
Whenever they talked about it again, I feel remorseful for neglecting my aims so often.
And I can't imagine how worse will I feel if I really fail to get into my dream career.

Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard Work hard work hard work hard.



I have to always remember, that if I really manage to become a doctor, not only I will be satisfied of my own hardwork. It'll bring pride to my beloved family as well..






















But I still do love you. My feeling has never changed, even after numerous of my attempts in telling myself to give up give up give up give up.



Oh I know you still can see all this, but I don't care. I don't block you from here.
Haha, but as if you'll come here ever again.
Oh here I go again, hoping for the hopeless, as always. Haiz.