Uh-huh

Maybe this is it...

This is the end of another of my train journey in the Love line.



It was like waking up from a dream.


Everything I experienced and felt,
it was like anything but a dream.

I woke up.



Saw that all inside my mind and heart were never destined to become reality.
Everything that I wished for,
Everything that I thought was possible to happen,
vanished like a speck of dust blown away by the nightwind.
Scattered, broken down.




All of myself that have been given to u
All of my heart that have been presented
All of my feelings that have been poured upon,
Were all but nothing that matters in the end.


I feel really exhausted already.
I am sorry.
I feel that this feeling of mine is going nowhere, and thus, getting pointless.



You cant let go of ur current situation either =)
Your physical and mental condition are always troubled as well.
Lets not make things difficult for u, shall we?
I'll just give up , and stop.
So you'll feel more relaxed.
You can feel that there will be no more 'wild dog barking and biting off ur tail from the back'.



And I cannot walk on a path that leads me to nowhere.
I cannot keep 'feeding something that is non-living'.
I cannot keep 'wishing for a snow to fall on a tropical island'.
I cannot let myself be enslaved by these chain of my feelings.



I think I am tired.
Tired of getting distracted from other stuff.
Tired of getting enslaved.
Tired of getting hurt.
Tired of assuring you for thousandth of times how important you are in my life, and yet you still think and say as if you are such an annoyance and disturbance to me.
Tired of feeling as if I never get any response from u [ or i am too blind to see it]




I need somebody
Somebody who stays by me, not one who comes only when she needs me.
Somebody who can return my feeling, not just one-sided.
Somebody who feels the same way as I do.

But you.
I need somebody faithful, I am tired of being played again and again ==
You are so faithful to him that if I let you go, I am afraid I cant find another faithful one.

I need somebody who always cares.
The way your care for him. it never fails to amaze me.
I feel I cannot see anyone who could care as much as you do.

I need someone who can maintain the feeling the way I do.
The way you can maintain your feeling for him, despite everything that you have gone through, it always awes me.
You left me thinking whether another girl like you exists. I always wonder whether I am faithful or can keep my feeling for long after all.




But
But


But, that was all for HIM

Not Me.

=)


If thats the way it has been, it should always be the way.

I thought I could get you coming to me. I was wrong.


I was merely a pebble stone in your love life. A milestone you have to overcome in order for you and him to stay closer. A test for your own feeling.










More of the reasons why I should give this up. =)




I really need to consider if I can get someone I have always dreamt of afterall.













Please, I wanna cry. But my eyes are already too red and dry =)
I am broken down, totally.



But no, I'll try to keep smiling.




I hope I can get through this.