A lone wolf.

You know,

Although I'm all bubbly around people during the day,

Although I do enjoy the company of my good friends,

Although I look like a very sociable person,


At the end of the day, before bed, I have this feeling,
That I want to be a lone wolf.

Seriously, no one can really understand me.
Maybe except for God.

But on this Earth, I like being on my own now.
I'll survive alone.
There are too many disappointments.


To my parents, I'm just a son studying overseas,
Who would some day make them proud and get a life on my own,
Who would be a helpful, caring, protective older brother who would protect and take care their delicate youngest son who is on scholarship here in Singapore.
What they didn't know is that he enjoyed the company of his friends and independence now.
I think even more that I did when I first came here.
You know what's funny, is that even sometimes they don't trust my words.
Fine! Fuck it! Keep distrusting me!


To my younger brother,
I'm a hot-tempered, unhelpful older brother whom he can't talk directly to unless through my mom.
Okay, I admit I was.
But I'm positive that I've showed him enough that I've changed already.
Fuck, whatever.


To my brothers-from-another-mothers,
I'm just some very emotional guy, who can be asked to play DoTA or basketball if I'm free, and needs to understand them and most probably, am never right when giving advices or opinions.
Fuck. I don't even open up to them anymore. They don't even know what I'm keeping inside.
Oh well, not that I open up to anyone now.


To my classmates,
They are really nice people. It's kinda fun to be around them.
So I guess in their eyes I'm the always-enthusiastic guy who may sometimes go a little bit noisy and loud, and yes, annoying.
Haven't opened up much to them.


To my CCA mates,
...Err...I'm just someone in their CCA.... I guess....
Not like I bother anyway. It's not like their group who have been damn close to each other bothers about me either.




I wonder how do I look like in God's eyes.
I've been told that I'm a beautiful son of His.
But even that I'm not sure, though I will believe I am.
I guess in the end it's only Him.


Well, surviving alone on Earth doesn't really matter.
I've been doing so, well, mentally.
And I've been quite well.



Being cyborg? I'm gonna take it a step further.
I define myself being a cyborg by controlling my own emotions and decide which to show and which not to.
But now, I guess I shall install a brand new processor, incorporating my current processor into the new one too.
The new processor will not just control the output, it can create a 'fake' output and hide the undesired emotional outputs should they go berserk and get wild.

So this will act as my second option.
If I can't find the correct emotional to let out,
A barrier to hide it all shall come to life and ta-da!
You can't see me but I can may see you!





Being alone SOLITARY has never felt so good.
I love being a lone wolf.