Which does matter?

When I met the basketball team for a soccer match against the alumni this morning,
I still couldn't help feeling disappointed for not being able to make it into the team.



On the way home, I kept thinking 'bout it.


Should I prove to myself that I'm worth being the team?

Should I show to the rest of the team that it's a regret not putting me into the team?

Should I put more effort into this passionate sport of mine?

Should I go back to how I had practiced basketball in Secondary?



But if I do so,

It means playing basketball for at least 2 hours after school every day, since this is what I did before.
It means putting 100% effort in it, and at some point neglect my studies.
Since I need to catch up with both studies and basketball skills if I wanna keep up, it's hard to juggle both == And I have to sacrifice one of them...



Fuck up.



It's okay.
A Level is all that matters in the end.
I'm never destined to be a sportsman anyway.
Just do what I can in basketball.
No need to care.
Study comes first.






But seeing all my good friends with all their talents being showcased.
Be it either dance, basketball or drama.
It makes me feel like such a crap.
A crap without even a worth of dime. Talentless.



I realised too late that I was never into basketball at the beginning anyway.
I wasn't born a sportsman.
I wasn't born an athlete.
I made into the FTPSS team was also because I had connection inside the team.
Which is the captain was Liaowei's friend.
In fact there were people who were more qualified than me.
But I was in the team.

This made me feel complacent.
Thinking that I was a qualified player, I thought I could get into the team in JC.
When actually I was like such a shit compared to them.

True, I'll most probably enter the team next year.
But everyone can train within one year to be qualified.
What makes you stand out is if you can make it since J1.

Have I chosen a wrong CCA?
Should I have taken something different instead?
Have I missed out a CCA which actually can showcase my ability?





Why was I so confident in basketball anyway?



I'm born a studious type.
A mugger.
A nerd who only knows how to study and play computer.
Even then, I'm such a shit in terms of nerdiness.
Those who have got more life outside can play computer better.
Those who have got more life outside can produce better results than me.





Why am I even born talent-less? It's better not to be brought to this world if this is such the case.














AND YOU GUYS.
CAN YOU PLEASE STOP MAKING FUN OF MY SURNAME.
CALLING IT ONCE IN A WHILE STILL LOOKS ACCEPTABLE.
BUT DOING IT SO OFTEN MAKES ME WANNA SAY FUCK YOU IN THE FACE.
ASSHOLES, DO YOU THINK IT'S NICE CALLING PEOPLE BY THE SURNAME??????
AS IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH, MAKING IT SOUND SO FUNNY??
U THINK IT'S FUNNY????
U THINK MY NAME IS SO NICE TO BE CALLED AROUND ALL THE TIME?





If you say so, let me tell you this.
F-U-C-K YOU!