The Mask.

Yes, it's back.

Putting a seemingly-formidable and brave front to the world.
But actually decaying slowly inside.
I'm sick of what I do myself.
But I don't think I've got much of a choice.

I tried to move on.

I do.

But it seems like the guilt stays deep inside.

Hidden, dormant.

But present.

I don't even know if I'll even recover from this.

Questions now arise.

Why did I do it from the start?

Why did I even risk it?

Why did I fall into the trap of my own feelings again?

Now I'm afraid to experience relationships again.

I know I shouldn't.

But the guilt, is just, so... overwhelming.

Everytime I thought I can continue my life without it, without you.

Your presence comes back, haunting every inch of my soul.

Moreover, my pathetic self just keeps condemning my mind.

"How could you be so cruel? Leading someone to your own life while thinking: We'll see what the future holds, but for now, let's just enjoy each other's company."

I was such a fucking idiot. And a fucking criminal.

I am so damn sure that now Karma will hunt me down any time.

Nobody can probably save me anymore.

It was a freaking dilemma.

I knew if I continued what I had, it won't lead to what I want.

Yet, I don't even know if this is the right decision either.

I guess I made the right call this time.

From now onwards,

I am not so sure anymore.

All I am certain about, is the fact that I'm damaged. Probably beyond repair.

I sure don't want to end up miserable like House.

But it looks like it's happening to me.

Hopefully, I won't start treating everyone around me horribly like he does.

Hopefully..

Hopefully...

*back to attempting to erase the guilt and your presence inside me*