Hate.

Such a strong word to use.
But it seems proper currently.



I may be able to accept defeat.
But still I hate to lose.



I hate to lose out physically,
I hate to lose out academically,
I hate to lose out in maturity,
I hate to lose out in relationships,
And I hate to realise how much I hate to lose.






I'm a 19-year-old with nothing, no clue on what to do for the love of my life.
I'm a weird 19-year-old with no experience.
But I'm looking for a chance to do all the stuff together, for the first time.
I hatefully detest to be the one not leading in relationships.
It makes me look like a shit.
Useless, good-for-nothing kind of guy.
And no thanks for my destiny, I always don't seem to find out the girl with my idea of perfect.


Yep, my utopia will never exist.
Neither will my utopian ideals.



Ironically,
I can always put all these thoughts behind.
I can always embrace the new changes.
(although I fucking hate changes too).
I can always overlook my perfect expectations for stuff that matter more.
Or I can always lower my expectations!
Or even change my own ideals!




Yeah, I've put all those thoughts behind, but so what.
Doesn't mean they're not there.
Doesn't mean they won't surface again periodically.
Doesn't mean my ideals have changed!
Doesn't mean I can STOP hating to lose out.





Maybe it's time for me to learn something new.
A new idea that I should have fucking absorbed long ago.


Yes, the world is unfair.
Destiny is never just.
Justice doesn't exist.
Even I now cease to believe in the existence of Karma.



Oh wait, maybe Karma still functions.
I just haven't figured out what I've done wrong in my life.




Wait a minute.
Maybe my utopian ideals are wrong in the first place.
They shouldn't even be alive.
And this, bloggie, is how Karma and Destiny are showing me the punishment for having such wrong ideals.
Guess? Yeah, you got it.



By incinerating everything that I achieve for the sake of my ideals, each and every one of them.




Go on.
Keep crushing them.
My path towards my dream.
My own mentality.
My own academic.
My own physique.
My own love.
All of them.

And the only ones that remain,
Are my motivation, my dream, and my life.

And let me tell you bitch,
If you intend to annihilate the rest,
I beg you, please, just quickly destroy the last one, right away.

But of course,
WHY WOULD THEY LISTEN TO MY PLEA?
Heh.